Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Relationships in My Teens and Early Twenties
1/30/2026
By Serena M.
Reflecting on my younger years, I realize some of my biggest lessons about relationships were learned the hard way. If I could go back in time, this is what I would tell my younger self about relationships, dating, friendships, and everything in between.
You Don't NEED to Have All the Answers Right Now
I used to feel like everyone around me knew exactly what they wanted when it came to relationships. The truth is that everyone is figuring it out as we go, bringing reality to the idiom “Fake it ‘til you make it.” It’s normal to feel confused about what you want from a relationship, what your definition of the right person is, or if you’re even ready to date. Having a healthy relationship looks different for everyone, and it may take some trial and error to find your own definition for this. There is real societal pressure to try to have everything figured out by a certain age, but it's also unnecessary. You are allowed to explore, make mistakes, and change your mind about what you want; this is all a part of growing up.
Red Flags are Called Red Flags for a Reason
If only someone had sat down with me to explain what red flags in relationships actually look like and what to watch out for. It is not always obvious, and you really need to look out for the small things that make you feel uncomfortable. For example, if someone gets angry when you spend time with friends or makes you feel bad for setting healthy boundaries.
Overall, make sure you trust your intuition. If you feel like something is off, you are likely right. You're not being "too sensitive" or "overthinking." Your feelings and emotions are valid, and you deserve safety, happiness, and respect.
Communication is Key in all Relationships
Here is something nobody told me: people can’t read you as well as you may assume they can. I used to think that if someone really cared about me, they'd know what I needed by learning how I am over time. It really doesn’t work like this.
Learning to communicate effectively is one of the most important skills you can develop to improve your relationships across the board. This means saying what you mean, communicating your needs, and being real about what you’re feeling, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Your Worth Is Not Determined By Relationship Status
If you are single, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. I spent way too much time in my early twenties dodging being alone and thinking I needed to be with someone to matter. The truth is, if you want healthy relationships to fall into place in your life, the first step is building a strong relationship with yourself.
Work on getting to know yourself, discovering your interests, and building your confidence. The best relationships emerge when two people who are in touch with themselves choose to connect.
Final Thoughts
Relationships, romantic or platonic, are a learning experience. People will come into your life and teach you a variety of lessons. You’re going to make mistakes, and these are learning opportunities. What matters in the end is that you treat yourself and others kindly and never settle for less than you deserve. This time is for growing, exploring, establishing your career, and becoming who you want to be. Don’t forget to make friends and memories along the way as you enjoy every second of this journey.
About the Author: My name is Serena. I am a transition-aged youth in Northeast Ohio who is learning how to navigate adulthood one step at a time alongside all of you. I have faced my fair share of challenges, but I have learned from each experience. I want to share how I see the world, advocate for myself, and keep moving forward. My story is still being written, and it’s rooted in growth, resilience, and figuring things out as I go.